Posted on December 16th, 2025.

The holidays are often presented as a time of warmth, connection, and celebration, but that picture can feel painfully incomplete when you are grieving. Lights, music, and busy stores can highlight the absence of someone you wish were still here. Instead of joy, you may feel a mix of sadness, anger, or numbness that does not match what you see around you.

If you are dealing with holiday grief, you might feel caught between external pressure to be “merry” and an internal need for quiet, reflection, or tears. That tension can be exhausting, especially when traditions or gatherings stir up memories you are not sure you are ready to face. It is completely understandable if this time of year feels heavier than usual.

Making room for grief during the holidays does not mean rejecting the season altogether. It means allowing your emotions to be real, even when they do not match the mood around you. With support, gentle boundaries, and meaningful rituals, it is possible to move through this time in a way that honors both your loss and your need for care.

Understanding Holiday Grief

Holiday grief often begins with the contrast between what you are “supposed” to feel and what you actually feel. While the season emphasizes joy, closeness, and gratitude, grief during the holidays can show up as sadness, irritation, or deep fatigue. Seeing families gather, hearing familiar songs, or watching holiday movies can all trigger reminders of who is missing. These moments can make you feel out of step with the world around you.

It is normal if previously comforting traditions now feel painful. A favorite ornament, recipe, or ritual can suddenly feel like a spotlight on absence. You might notice a lump in your throat at the sight of an empty chair or feel waves of emotion at small, unexpected reminders. None of this means you are “doing the holidays wrong.” It means you cared deeply about someone, and their absence still matters.

For people who live in busy places, like New York City, the intensity of the season can make grief feel louder. Crowded streets, holiday displays, and constant music may seem to push happiness in your face when you are simply trying to get through the day. That can create a sense of being disconnected from others, even while you are physically surrounded by people. You may feel like you are watching life from the outside.

Social media and holiday advertising can add another layer of pressure. Images of perfect gatherings and smiling families can fuel self-criticism or the belief that you should be “over it” by now. It can help to remind yourself that these images are carefully selected moments, not the full story. Your pain is not a failure; it is a sign of love and loss that cannot be measured by a calendar.

Holiday grief also tends to ebb and flow. You might have moments where you genuinely laugh, feel grateful, or enjoy a small tradition, followed by times of tears or loneliness. You do not have to choose between being “sad” or “festive” and stay there. Different feelings can exist side by side, sometimes within the same hour, and that emotional mix is part of grief.

Understanding holiday grief begins with giving yourself permission to feel what you feel. When you stop judging your reactions and start treating them as valid responses to real loss, you create more space to breathe. That self-acceptance becomes the basis for choosing which traditions to keep, which to change, and how to take care of yourself throughout the season.

Coping Strategies for a Healing Holiday

While you cannot control how grief shows up, you can make choices that support you through the holidays. Thoughtful coping strategies can reduce pressure, create room for rest, and help you feel a bit more grounded in a difficult time. Small, intentional steps often make more difference than forcing yourself through every event or expectation.

One helpful way to support yourself is to think about specific tools you can use when the season feels overwhelming. These are not meant to “fix” grief but to give you support and structure as you move through the weeks ahead. You might choose just one or two ideas, or mix and match based on what feels possible this year:

• Setting boundaries: Give yourself permission to decline invitations, shorten visits, or leave events early if they become too much. Limiting what you agree to do is an act of care, not selfishness.
• Creating new traditions: Adjust or replace old rituals that feel painful. You might introduce a quieter custom, like a walk, a simple meal, or a small honoring ritual that fits how you feel now.
• Practicing self-care: Prioritize rest, nourishing food, movement, and moments of calm. Simple practices like journaling, breathing exercises, or warm baths can help soften intense emotional spikes.
• Maintaining flexibility: Allow plans to change. You can say, “I’ll see how I feel that day” instead of committing fully in advance. Give yourself options so you do not feel trapped by any decision.

These choices help you build a season that responds to your current emotional capacity rather than old expectations. You do not have to do everything you did before your loss, and you do not have to justify your choices to anyone. Treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a grieving friend can ease some of the internal pressure you may be carrying.

Connection is another important part of coping with holiday grief. It might feel tempting to withdraw completely, and sometimes short periods of solitude are helpful. But staying in touch with at least one or two trusted people can reduce feelings of isolation. Let them know what you are going through and what kind of support you find most helpful, whether that is company, conversation, or just someone who checks in.

Support groups, whether in person or online, can also be valuable. Sharing your experience with others who understand grief during the holidays can lessen the sense that you are “the only one” feeling this way. Hearing how others respond to similar challenges might inspire ideas that fit your situation or simply reassure you that your reactions make sense.

Grief counseling is another resource worth considering if the season feels particularly heavy. A trained therapist can help you explore your emotions, identify triggers, and build personalized strategies for coping. Having a regular space to be honest about your pain can make the rest of the season more manageable. You deserve support as you work through these complicated days.

Cherishing Memories with Love

Finding ways to remember your loved one can bring comfort during the holidays, even when it also brings tears. Grief is often a reflection of how deeply you cared, and leaning into that love can soften some of the sharp edges of loss. Instead of trying to avoid every reminder, you might experiment with rituals that allow you to include your loved one in the season in a different way.

Rituals do not have to be elaborate to be meaningful. Simple acts that connect you with important memories can help you feel closer to the person you miss. You can shape these practices so they fit your beliefs, your energy level, and your family’s needs. Some people find it helpful to weave remembrance into existing traditions, while others create entirely new ones that reflect their current reality. For example, you might explore ideas like these:

• Set a place at the table: Leave a chair or place setting for your loved one at a holiday meal as a quiet tribute.
• Light a memorial candle: Light a candle in their honor at a specific time each day or during a gathering to symbolize their continuing presence in your life.
• Share a favorite dish: Prepare a recipe they loved and say a few words about why it mattered, inviting others to share related memories.

These gestures can create gentle, intentional moments of connection within the wider holiday activity. They also send a clear message to yourself and others that it is okay to talk about the person who is gone. Instead of pretending everything is normal, you make space for shared grief and shared love. This can be especially important for children, who may be unsure whether it is acceptable to bring up the loss.

Storytelling is another powerful way to cherish memories. You might set aside time during the holidays to share favorite stories, funny moments, or meaningful lessons you learned from your loved one. Some families like to create a memory jar where everyone writes down a note, story, or feeling to read together. These conversations can bring laughter and tears, both of which are welcome parts of remembering.

If you feel drawn to nature, you might consider a living tribute such as planting a tree, a shrub, or a favorite flower in their honor. Visiting that space throughout the year can offer a place for reflection outside the intensity of the holidays. Watching something grow can be a quiet reminder that love continues, even as life changes in ways you never wanted.

Related: How Holiday Movies Bring Families Together & Spread Joy

Finding Support and Honoring Your Grief

Engaging with grief counseling during the holidays can offer steady, nonjudgmental support when emotions feel especially intense. At Movie Therapy with Cristina Spataro, we understand that this season can stir up complicated feelings, and we work with you to create space for all of them. You do not have to carry the weight of holiday grief alone.

Our approach focuses on helping you honor your loved one while also caring for your own well-being. Together, we explore coping strategies, meaningful rituals, and practical tools that fit your life and your loss. The goal is not to erase grief but to help you live alongside it with more understanding and compassion for yourself.

Are you overwhelmed by the pressure of the holidays while navigating grief? Give yourself the gift of support this season.

Your journey is unique, and our services aim to accompany you with empathy and insight.